It's in the eyes

Your eyes; oh my god how could I ever begin to explain what those eyes have done.

It's painful to feel them and even more painful not to feel them, but feel them I do. And I love them but it's not just love, oh no there are so many complicated and mixed feelings. 

I don't even know what I'm doing writing these words because how can I ever begin to express how I'm feeling. If I could draw maybe I could use the colours that would show. 

I don't even know where I'm going with this or why I even began writing in the first place. 

Maybe all the things I'm not telling you have come up to the surface and are suffocating me and I just gotta let them out somewhere other than my head.

Maybe I gotta take the advice of the lyrics and get over the whole thing. (Is it advice and to whom?) 

I wish I could come out with everything and just be real and true but it would be unfair and unnecessary and frankly too embarrassing. For both of us. 

I haven't even read back to what I've wrote and I've no idea if it makes any sense, even to me. 

That early nighties photo was a revelation. Another piece of the 'puzzle'.

It feels like I'm chasing rainbows or a multicoloured rare butterfly that will come near if you remain still enough and the moment you move the tiniest muscle is gonna fly away. 

And it also feels like I'm on a tightrope trying to balance when the rope is already cut and the only possible outcome is to hit the ground as fast and as hard as possible.